21 January 2004

Rapid Changes

I have my Chris back.
He called me up on the phone, and we just talked. And then he wanted to know if I wanted to get together and do something sometime. Just, hang out.
I said sure, why not?
So yesterday, we did. And it felt so good. On the way back to my place, we talked about everything. And he apoligized for all the times he was an ass. He said he was afraid to get too atatched to me. He had seen so many guys go all crazy and head over heels for his mother, only to get kicked to the curb. So he had tried to avoid it. But in doing so, he had fucked up by losing me anyway and he was so sorry about that.
He wants to be with me. Even with all the things wrong with me, he wants to be with me.
I would rather be without him 11 months out of the year, and have him that one month, than not be with him at all. And I would rather have him far away, than have any other guy right here.
I tried to explain that to him before he left, but he was so convinced it would be easier on me if we were apart.
In truth, it was hell.
It's better now though.
I just have to figure out how to break up with Jeff.
Oh god.
Jennie

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