28 May 2004

Ok fine

Perhaps I'll write more than two sentences, like I said, it's been awhile. I feel a little bad for starving the few constant readers that I have. :-)
Dawn (Chris's mom) is pretty cool. She has totally gone out of her way to make me feel at home here. It's worked too. I do all sorts of things that I didn't do at all during the two years I've been dating Chris.
I still have to fight the urge to knock on the front door before I walk in, hehehe.
But I take food out of the fridge, get the mail, answer the phone. Things you take for granted, but wouldn't dream of doing in a stranger's house, you know?
I adore Chris's littlest brother, Ryan. He's such a sweet boy. I'd never tell him that, of course. Oh, he has his obnoxious moments of course, what sibling doesn't?
I haven't seen much of Cody. He actaully got picked up the Friday before I moved in, by the GB Police. So he's here and around, and it seems like he's behaving.
I don't know, I'm not really one to talk. I've smoked my share of the ganja. I wouldn't dream of bringing it in this house though. That would be totally disrespectful.

I told my mother the other day that I don't want my father to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. She looked so upset. I can't help it. I'm not even thrilled with his being there, but I'll tolerate that. I just don't want him touching me. Not that he'd start anything. Ha. Just let him try it. Adam and Chris would be all over that.
I know Chris is just itching to give him a small taste of what he did to me, and Adam is an incredible guy who wouldn't let anyone hurt me.
My mom though, grrr, "Do you really hate him that much? I just don't understand."
Why doesn't she understand? She stood right there.
I mean, she wasn't physically present for EVERY fight, but she was there for enough of them, for Christ's sake. And she heard the shit he SAID to me. "You're no good. No damn good. To the core." God, that one is burned into my brain for the rest of my life. Every time I mess up, I hear it replay over and over again. I see myself standing on those stairs, listening to him scream at Sarah for daring to tell him to lay off of me. He turned towards the stairs, looked at me venomously, and shaking his finger, he said "And you! You're no good. No damn good. To the core"
God, of course I don't want him to walk me down that damn aisle, or give me away. Even if I didn't find that vauge suggestion of ownership repulsive, that man gave up the right to "give me away" when he gave up on me.
Alright, I'm going to go cool down now,

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