06 June 2004

What my mother said

I'll call today to see if we can get in for hair dying, etc. I'll let you know, and Thursday I'll see if we can look at photography stuff and the cake. Shouldn't be a problem.
I've been thinking (amazing huh?) and I want you to consider letting your dad walk you down the aisle. I know how you feel, but this is why. I know that you're mad at him because he hit you. And he said some stuff he shouldn't have, and he admits that. He said and did things in anger that he really regrets doing and didn't mean. He regrets not being more involved with what you were interested in when you were younger. But I want you to think about what it was like before you and he started having problems....that is how he still feels about you. You said the day we were moving you that you weren't such a bad kid, and you weren't. For the most part you stayed out of trouble and were a help around here and worked hard, did well in school, etc. But you have to admit that your temper and what you said when you were mad was just as bad as Dad's. As much as we love you, there is only so much cussing and angry talk we can tolerate. In case you forgot, you got your mouth slapped by me a few times too. Did we handle it the right way? No. Did we make mistakes? Yes. Did your dad make mistakes? Yes. But you were not an abused kid, you got hit a lot less than I ever did. By hit, I don't mean abuse, but spankings, sometimes hit in frustration, etc. Abuse is when you don't dare say anything because you'll get knocked into next week, left with bruises and broken bones, not given enough food to eat because your father is stingy. That was your grandmother. Abuse is when your father touches you inappropriately and makes you feel awful. That was me. Unless something was going on that I don't know about, and if there was, I want to know about it, you were not an abused child. It's been Daddy's money that has been helping you through school and paying for your apartment, and making up the difference between what you could make working and what you needed. He has paid for a lot of the repairs to the cars you drove. And he hasn't done it begrudgingly, but because he loves you. He prays for you every day, that you will be happy and safe. He still worries about you. (Yes, I know, he's a worrywart, but that's how he shows his love.) If you tell him you don't want him to walk you down the aisle, something he has been thinking about since almost the day you were born, it will hurt him, a lot. If that's your goal, to hurt him as much as he hurt you, then that would do it. And it would hurt me too. It would mean walking with him down a very short aisle, you don't have to say anything to each other and at the end of that aisle is Chris, who hopefully won't make the same mistakes your dad did with his kids. But if he did, would you love him less? Only God is perfect, the rest of us are going to screw up. If we can't count on the ones we love to forgive us, what hope is there?
If you still decide this is what you want to do, I'm not going to love you any less, or make little remarks, or any of that. It's your wedding, you're an adult now and I will respect your decision. But you will have to be the one to tell your dad what you want to do. I won't do that. I'm also not going to bring this up again...if you tell me Daddy needs to be measured for a tux, I'll know you decided to let him. If you tell me he doesn't need to be unless he wants to wear one, then I'll know you're sticking with your original decision.
I LOVE YOU!!!! Capitals for emphasis. I know this will upset you and I know why. But I had to say it. And I'm probably being a coward by writing it instead of talking to you, but I know my emotions would get in the way of what I wanted to say.
I do love you! And I'm really looking forward to this wedding. Just wish you weren't moving quite so far away. : )


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