03 October 2006

I Am a Chicken-shit

Dh is out of town at the moment, and we missed each other yesterday. So tonight was the first real call we've had in a couple days.

I told him I had made some appointments. I told him about dd's well-baby checkup, and my yearly checkup. Mentioned I was thinking about switching up the birthcontrol....oh, and btw I made an appointment for counseling.

A totally chicken-shit way of doing it, I know. I'm half-ashamed of that.

But it went better than I thought it would. He asked WTF would I want to do that?

I told him it's because I'm not happy, and I'm tired of not being happy.

He just kind of said, "Oh."
Either like he didn't know what to say, or he didn't want to get into it over the phone, while he's sitting in Gunman's kitchen.

I know, I know, chicken-shit.

But I needed to tell him before he get's home, because my appointment is the day after.

Per insurance rules, the appointment is only for me. They won't pay for marriage counseling, only personal counseling. Whatever.

The counselor, if she feels it necessary, will ask dh to come in with me. But I will still be the primary patient, for insurance purposes.

Dh has repeatedly expressed the opinion that counseling is a useless waste of time. So I'm not holding my breath that he will go.

But something needs to change. I am NOT spending the next 50-60years living like this. No way, no how.

- your only -

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